just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
