Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
