mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
zippers are such a cool invention
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
