i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
