I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
