I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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