We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
