His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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