he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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