I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
