FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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