I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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