You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
