Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
