Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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