in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
