he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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