I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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