I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
