captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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