Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
