Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
