No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
