I think I won the penis lottery.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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