Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
