Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
