She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
