youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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