I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
