turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
