So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
