...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
