Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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