I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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