Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
