I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
