ugly people sure do ruin things
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
