the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
