I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
