THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
