I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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