I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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