That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
