I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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