he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
