there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
