He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
