I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
