When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
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Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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