The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
