I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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