You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
from now on my penis is your penis
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
