Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
where am i from again
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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