I hate your face
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
