So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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