It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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