My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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