did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
