my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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