An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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