i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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