well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
