i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
