Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
