I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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