White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
