we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
