it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
