I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
