We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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