So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
