The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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