talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
