Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
