Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
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She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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