I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
