ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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