the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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