walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
