Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
