i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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