Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
